Alexander Reviews at Rotten Tomatoes

Alexander Bomb? Or Major Gay Triumph?

"Puerile writing, confused plotting and shockingly off-note performances make Oliver Stone's epic film a disappointment."
-- Manohla Dargis, NEW YORK TIMES

"You could literally chop Alexander up into six 30-minute blocks, reassemble it at random, and the movie would make the exact same amount of sense (i.e. none). "
-- Scott Weinberg, EFILMCRITIC.COM

"Towards the end of this movie, I wanted to kill Alexander just to get it over with and go home. Even Rosario Dawson’s supposedly stunning nudity was over-hyped."
-- Willie Waffle, WAFFLEMOVIES.COM

"Filled with cringe-inducing, laughter-provoking moments, including more deliciously overripe performances than any single movie can possibly contain."
-- Jeff Vice, DESERET NEWS, SALT LAKE CITY

"I predict that Alexander’s one achievement will be as the most walked out on movie of the year."
-- Joshua Tyler, CINEMABLEND.COM

"The epic Troy [&] King Arthur wanted to be.The difference is that Oliver Stone has a clear vision.He knows you can’t do everything & he knows what he wants."
-- Fred Topel, ABOUT.COM

"Pretty much a mess, an alternately turgid and florid movie that feels like a drugged-out version of a Cecil B. DeMille epic."
-- Frank Swietek, ONE GUY'S OPINION

"Oliver Stone doesn't just create trainwrecks. He knocks the train off the rails, sets it on fire, then kills every person onboard. (And takes three hours to do it.)"
-- Eric D. Snider, ERICDSNIDER.COM

"See it, if only for the visuals that keep your eyes happy in between laughs."
-- Chuck Schwartz, CRANKY CRITIC®

"Often skates dangerously close to camp (less forgiving viewers will find the movie hysterical), but the director's daringness to play things so boldly has a grand appeal of its own."
-- Rene Rodriguez, MIAMI HERALD

"3-hour borefest."
-- Steve Rhodes, STEVE RHODES' INTERNET REVIEWS

"Alexander the So-So"
-- Staci Layne Wilson, FANTASTICA DAILY

"A swollen behemoth of a celluloid monster -- sometimes mildly interesting, but most of the time downright boring."
-- Frank Wilkins, REELTALK MOVIE REVIEWS

"Alexander often seems a couple of heartbeats away from turning into a gay porno film."
-- Jeffrey Westhoff, NORTHWEST HERALD (CRYSTAL LAKE, IL)

"Ponderous, fails to make us really care for Alexander, and is even more directionless than the Great one wandering about Asia after seven long years."
-- Brian Webster, APOLLO GUIDE

"Like Martin Scorsese's Gangs of New York, Alexander is an overindulgent, sprawling specimen of the director's lavish strengths and harrowing weaknesses."
-- Phil Villarreal, ARIZONA DAILY STAR

"Watching this film is like going to a bad history class where the teacher is a poor storyteller."
-- John Venable, SUPERCALA.COM

"An act of hubris so huge that, in Alexander's time, it would draw lightning bolts from contemptuous gods. Today it will get sniggers from stunned critics and a collective yawn from a public unlikely to share Stone's egomania."
-- Lawrence Toppman, CHARLOTTE OBSERVER

"One of the year's authentic disasters, the kind of shlockbuster that at first invites derision, then, as the hours drag on, pity."
-- Gary Thompson, PHILADELPHIA DAILY NEWS

"An absolute mess."
-- Bob Strauss, LOS ANGELES DAILY NEWS

"'When (Farrell) is giving his troops a rousing speech the first image that popped into my mind was Bill Murray energizing his fellow camp counselors in "Meatballs."'"
-- Michael A. Smith, NOLAN'S POP CULTURE REVIEW

"It's a perplexing muddle: Every moment of spectacular battlefield action is offset by unintentionally hilarious scenes from Alexander's private life."
-- James Sanford, KALAMAZOO GAZETTE

"Oliver Stone's take on the life of Alexander the Great is overblown, underdeveloped and one of the worst films of 2004."
-- James Rocchi, NETFLIX

"Stone appears to be assembling this ... jigsaw puzzle on the fly. There are more bottom-out scenes than high points. He drags it out for almost three backside-numbing hours."
-- Larry Ratliff, SAN ANTONIO EXPRESS-NEWS

Just for the record, FriskoDude thought "Heaven's Gate" was a masterpiece despite all the negative reviews, and that Kevin Costner never looked better than in "Waterworld." And "Showgirls" was the best campy-sex-humor film ever created, not to mention that Elizabeth Barkely is God's gift to man. I also loved "Dude, Where's My Car," so I'll probably love "Alexander."

Alexander Reviews at Rotten Tomatoes